New Friends

I can not believe how quickly I have became friends with two great ladies, Ahlisa and IrresistibleBaby. I meet Irresistible yesterday while she was decorating Ahlisa new house. I had her do mine as well. She did Swan's and 2 other people I got to see yesterday. She is also a talent designer for clothing and jewelry. She was talking about a new clothing line she wanted to do called "Planet Lipstick" which I thought was a great name. She told me she wanted me to be a part of it as well which made me excited. I would be a model and handle a lot of her pr work since I do some pr work in real life. I can't believe how quickly I developed a friendship with both Ahlisa and Irresistible, they have made me feel at ease and they are both so easy to talk too, I am thankful for the friendships.

A new Friend

Today I got a surprise of my second life life. I received an im from Ahlisa Milena who is Swan's sister. I admit she surprise me when she imed me but after we spoke for a few moments. I realize she is the sweetest, kindest and most supportive person I have meet in sl thus far.

[21:47] Ahlisa Milena: you may be thinking why i want to hang out with you
[21:47] Sandra Ida: well, yes in a way
[21:47] Ahlisa Milena: i want to get to know you more then from what i read on the blog
[21:47] Ahlisa Milena: which i think it was sweet and very original.
[21:48] Sandra Ida: =), thank you so much for saying that
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: for someone to do that must really like my brother
[21:48] Sandra Ida: you don't think it was silly
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: and i believe you deserve a change for people to know you
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: no i don't
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: to me it showed what type of woman you are. You don't have to speak to be noticed.
[21:49] Ahlisa Milena: so i came on to here to talk to you
[21:49] Ahlisa Milena: while we talk i need some shoes
[21:49] Ahlisa Milena: want to go shopping ?
[21:49] Sandra Ida: shopping. *eyes get wide* sure, love too
[21:50] Ahlisa Milena: i like you already
[21:50] Sandra Ida: lol. Me too.

We went shopping and have a wonderful time. We got some jeans and tshirts, she needed shoes (she has wonderful taste btw, I let her pick out some shoes for me). We got hair, I took some photos while she was looking for a new apartment. I really had a great time and I truly can say I see us being really GOOD friends. Ok on my way to work.

What Happen...

This morning I logged in and saw him online, I imed him to say hello. He seem cold, distant. I was talking to him and he respond was one word or two. I felt strange and a bit sad. The guy I spoke to before was not in the im with me. I didn't know what happen, what I did, it was like he no longer wanted to be my friend. I asked him was it something I did or what was wrong. He said no, he just didn't feel like talking. I apologized for iming him and he said "yeah. aight, bye" and that was the end of the conversation if you can even call it a conversation. I feel like crying, I know it sounds so damn silly. But I at least thought we would have a friendship if nothing more. What Happen?...

I meet his last night and he was every bit of a gentlemen and charming as I knew he would be. I felt so scared when he first imed me. I manage to keep from shaking in rl, wow isn't that crazy I was actual shaking in real life fearful. He imed me first, I put in my profile "will you ever know?. I wanted him to know but I didn't want to im him first. I know it's silly, stupid, but I was just scared of rejection. This comes from years of rl abuse from an ass of a husband. But I should be able to overcome that in a game. Facts are I want too but it's hard when something is told to you day in and day out for years since you were a teen that it does not have an effect on who you are as a woman. Anyway we got out of the club and he took me some where quiet. He asked me questions about the blog, my sl, a little about my rl, but mostly about me. He is truly a man that any woman would want because he gives you his total attention. But I can't help but to think that being with him will bring me haters and jealous females who envy because they can't have him for themselves.

I already notice where we were a lot of women giving him attention. Speaking, bumping into him as if it were an accident and you know it's something they are doing on purpose. I laughed at her, he seem to just ignore it as if it weren't happening. One female spoke to him, he spoke back, she knew him. She saw me there with him talking and it was like she didn't care. She kept rambling on I just sat there amazed of the disrespect. You could tell he didn't want to be rude but he finally imed me and said. "ok she isn't going to shut up we need to leave". he excused himself. tpd off and a few moments later gave me the tp invite. During my brief stay with the young lady and her friend, she was making comments about him. How cute he was, how he was single. Her friend made a remark that she should "get him girl". Rude, disrespect women. But for what it is worth I enjoyed my evening and he did not disappoint me at all with who I thought he was.


******************* The Introduction ******************
[23:18] Swan DeSantis: will i ever know[
23:18] Swan DeSantis: hmmm
[23:18] Swan DeSantis: i think i just did
[23:18] Sandra Ida: hello Swan
[23:18] Sandra Ida: =)
[23:18] Swan DeSantis: :)
[23:19] Swan DeSantis: so is you
[23:19] Sandra Ida: yes
[23:19] Sandra Ida: you don't remember ever seeing me huh
[23:19] Swan DeSantis: no i do not
[23:20] Swan DeSantis: so whats with the blog ?
[23:20] Sandra Ida: I have liked you for a while, just not sure if I could actually speak to you[23:20] Sandra Ida: but you some what force my hand today
[3:21] Swan DeSantis: that is one nice dress you make it look good
[23:21] Sandra Ida: thank you :D
[23:21] Swan DeSantis: how about you and me get out of here
[23:21] Sandra Ida: i am shaking lol
[23:21] Sandra Ida: ok
[23:22] Swan DeSantis: taking you by the hand* whispering i don't bite
[23:22] Sandra Ida: ok
[23:22] Sandra Ida: *smiles*
[23:32] Sandra Ida: are you disappointed Swan, please be be honest
[23:32] Swan DeSantis: not at all

* He is so sweet, *smiles*

Tonight I give in ???

I saw your profile and was greeted with this. So tonight it's either put up or shut up I guess.

01/05/06
**** We are going to try this again *****
*** Meet me at Bootyliciouz Club at 11:30pm sl time *****
**** No more games, make yourself known ***
****** either see me or stay away from me *****

I can't seem to do it

Last night for an hour I sat there and watched you standing by the dance floor. Gripped in fear I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to you. I know now your thinking I am probably one of the most game playing females there is, but I'm not. Yes I have a crush that has developed into something much more for me. Yes I am keeping it a secret from you because of fear of rejection. Do I want to be known, yes and no. Yes because I want you to see me through eyes of want and desire. No because I know how many women want you and I wouldn't compete in a competition I may not be a match for. I am not one to flirt, or to throw myself on a man. I can be very much a woman, but I am a lady when it comes to how I carry myself anywhere. I have a little girl charm about me one that I don't see myself losing ever no matter how old I get. So now I wait for you to tell me to F-OFF or something even more mean then that.

Now, I just wait.

What's Next!!......

I don't know why but I woke up 40 minutes ago sat up in my bed and turned on my light. I live on the west coast so now it's around 2:00 or 2:10 am. I forgot to set my alarm clock which is bad because I have to get up earlier this morning. So here I am setting my alarm for 7 am, I will be getting up and going to see my doctor in the morning for my 8am appointment. I just logged in second life, I am not really expecting anything, but I am hopeful just the same. Hopeful that you read my note and went to this blog and made a comment on your profile. I let my eyes scan your profile, and there it was ** BREATH** a message from you saying clearly you read the blog, or at least the note saying to read it. Then I saw you demanding to know who I am. Now I sat here in some type of fear. I don't know what I am fearing, but it has now grip me and I am scared. Now I know you know I am there, some where. Now I think you may be thinking I am some nut case and want me to stop it. Whatever IT may be. You may not be flattered that someone has wanted you for over a year, someone you don't even know. So.... now, I think to myself. Do I stop the blogging, change the link, do I get bold enough to let you know who I am. Seriously, now ..... WHAT"S NEXT!!!

I AM CRAZY!!!!

OK after I got my thoughts together I decided to try something a little different to get you to read my blog. The newbie may have copied it and forgot to save, or he may not even send it. Took my hard earned 100 Lindens and didn't do his job. lol, I laugh now but I am only covering up the nervousness in which I feel. I logged in again under my new little newbie and went to a location where I felt someone would be more willing to help me. I didn't even make a note card this time, I just imed a veteran player who has been in the game since 2004. I was honest with her, I explained that I had this "crush" and wanted you to read my blog. I told her why I made the newbie so I would not be found out, and what I had tried prior. I told her all I need was a note saying to please read this with the blog link. I told her I would pay her if she wanted lindens to do this. Yeah I know DRAMANTIC huh, after I finish my confession, so to speak, I waited for her response. She hesitated for a moment, which I understood fully, I would of done the same if not more. Then she told me, she didn't want any lindens. However she would do it under one condition, I thought to myself here we go. She asked me if and when I finally told him/you how I felt she wanted to meet my actual avie and his/yours. I thought it's minor request for what I was asking her to do. I quickly agreed and she assured me she would do it. She told me she not only send the note card but she left him an of line telling him/you to read his/your note card. She also put the link on the offline message. She wish me good luck as I logged off my alt once again. Now I sit and wait to see if he responses. *** NERVOUS ***

How Foolish

Today I looked at your profile to see if you had left me any sign that you read my blog. I didn't see any and thought how foolish I must be. I am carrying around a feeling for someone who doesn't know I exist. Why would you input a link to a website a newbie gave you. How crazy could I have been to think that was even a realistic suggestion. How crazy am I to be even writing in a blog to someone who will never even see its contains. My friend told me to stop living in this fantasy within second life. I am not living a fantasy, I only am admiring someone who has had my attention for a long time now. Someone who when a club relocated I missed seeing him. Someone who left the game for a bit and I actually missed not seeing him stand near a wall. I would see you around sl on and off, I remember once I saw you talking to your sister I at that time wish I had introduce myself. Shyness has been my downfall in a lot of ways. Many reasons why I am shy but it doesn't have anything to do with second life so it doesn't matter. SL, however, has allowed me to over come a lot my shyness. But even with overcoming so much of it. I still find it hard to approach you and start a conversation. It has been hard to smile at you, hard to get your attention, hard to admit I have a crush on you. No, not true. I love you, there now since I know you'll never read this now. I can express it in words here. I love you. So many times I have wanted just to ask you to go out. Then I feared rejection, feared making to look like I may have had some issues. So now I feel foolish, silly, child like because I attempted to do something I never should have. I attempted to bring my fantasy to my sl reality. HOW FOOLISH!!!!