New Friends

I can not believe how quickly I have became friends with two great ladies, Ahlisa and IrresistibleBaby. I meet Irresistible yesterday while she was decorating Ahlisa new house. I had her do mine as well. She did Swan's and 2 other people I got to see yesterday. She is also a talent designer for clothing and jewelry. She was talking about a new clothing line she wanted to do called "Planet Lipstick" which I thought was a great name. She told me she wanted me to be a part of it as well which made me excited. I would be a model and handle a lot of her pr work since I do some pr work in real life. I can't believe how quickly I developed a friendship with both Ahlisa and Irresistible, they have made me feel at ease and they are both so easy to talk too, I am thankful for the friendships.

A new Friend

Today I got a surprise of my second life life. I received an im from Ahlisa Milena who is Swan's sister. I admit she surprise me when she imed me but after we spoke for a few moments. I realize she is the sweetest, kindest and most supportive person I have meet in sl thus far.

[21:47] Ahlisa Milena: you may be thinking why i want to hang out with you
[21:47] Sandra Ida: well, yes in a way
[21:47] Ahlisa Milena: i want to get to know you more then from what i read on the blog
[21:47] Ahlisa Milena: which i think it was sweet and very original.
[21:48] Sandra Ida: =), thank you so much for saying that
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: for someone to do that must really like my brother
[21:48] Sandra Ida: you don't think it was silly
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: and i believe you deserve a change for people to know you
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: no i don't
[21:48] Ahlisa Milena: to me it showed what type of woman you are. You don't have to speak to be noticed.
[21:49] Ahlisa Milena: so i came on to here to talk to you
[21:49] Ahlisa Milena: while we talk i need some shoes
[21:49] Ahlisa Milena: want to go shopping ?
[21:49] Sandra Ida: shopping. *eyes get wide* sure, love too
[21:50] Ahlisa Milena: i like you already
[21:50] Sandra Ida: lol. Me too.

We went shopping and have a wonderful time. We got some jeans and tshirts, she needed shoes (she has wonderful taste btw, I let her pick out some shoes for me). We got hair, I took some photos while she was looking for a new apartment. I really had a great time and I truly can say I see us being really GOOD friends. Ok on my way to work.

What Happen...

This morning I logged in and saw him online, I imed him to say hello. He seem cold, distant. I was talking to him and he respond was one word or two. I felt strange and a bit sad. The guy I spoke to before was not in the im with me. I didn't know what happen, what I did, it was like he no longer wanted to be my friend. I asked him was it something I did or what was wrong. He said no, he just didn't feel like talking. I apologized for iming him and he said "yeah. aight, bye" and that was the end of the conversation if you can even call it a conversation. I feel like crying, I know it sounds so damn silly. But I at least thought we would have a friendship if nothing more. What Happen?...

I meet his last night and he was every bit of a gentlemen and charming as I knew he would be. I felt so scared when he first imed me. I manage to keep from shaking in rl, wow isn't that crazy I was actual shaking in real life fearful. He imed me first, I put in my profile "will you ever know?. I wanted him to know but I didn't want to im him first. I know it's silly, stupid, but I was just scared of rejection. This comes from years of rl abuse from an ass of a husband. But I should be able to overcome that in a game. Facts are I want too but it's hard when something is told to you day in and day out for years since you were a teen that it does not have an effect on who you are as a woman. Anyway we got out of the club and he took me some where quiet. He asked me questions about the blog, my sl, a little about my rl, but mostly about me. He is truly a man that any woman would want because he gives you his total attention. But I can't help but to think that being with him will bring me haters and jealous females who envy because they can't have him for themselves.

I already notice where we were a lot of women giving him attention. Speaking, bumping into him as if it were an accident and you know it's something they are doing on purpose. I laughed at her, he seem to just ignore it as if it weren't happening. One female spoke to him, he spoke back, she knew him. She saw me there with him talking and it was like she didn't care. She kept rambling on I just sat there amazed of the disrespect. You could tell he didn't want to be rude but he finally imed me and said. "ok she isn't going to shut up we need to leave". he excused himself. tpd off and a few moments later gave me the tp invite. During my brief stay with the young lady and her friend, she was making comments about him. How cute he was, how he was single. Her friend made a remark that she should "get him girl". Rude, disrespect women. But for what it is worth I enjoyed my evening and he did not disappoint me at all with who I thought he was.


******************* The Introduction ******************
[23:18] Swan DeSantis: will i ever know[
23:18] Swan DeSantis: hmmm
[23:18] Swan DeSantis: i think i just did
[23:18] Sandra Ida: hello Swan
[23:18] Sandra Ida: =)
[23:18] Swan DeSantis: :)
[23:19] Swan DeSantis: so is you
[23:19] Sandra Ida: yes
[23:19] Sandra Ida: you don't remember ever seeing me huh
[23:19] Swan DeSantis: no i do not
[23:20] Swan DeSantis: so whats with the blog ?
[23:20] Sandra Ida: I have liked you for a while, just not sure if I could actually speak to you[23:20] Sandra Ida: but you some what force my hand today
[3:21] Swan DeSantis: that is one nice dress you make it look good
[23:21] Sandra Ida: thank you :D
[23:21] Swan DeSantis: how about you and me get out of here
[23:21] Sandra Ida: i am shaking lol
[23:21] Sandra Ida: ok
[23:22] Swan DeSantis: taking you by the hand* whispering i don't bite
[23:22] Sandra Ida: ok
[23:22] Sandra Ida: *smiles*
[23:32] Sandra Ida: are you disappointed Swan, please be be honest
[23:32] Swan DeSantis: not at all

* He is so sweet, *smiles*

Tonight I give in ???

I saw your profile and was greeted with this. So tonight it's either put up or shut up I guess.

01/05/06
**** We are going to try this again *****
*** Meet me at Bootyliciouz Club at 11:30pm sl time *****
**** No more games, make yourself known ***
****** either see me or stay away from me *****

I can't seem to do it

Last night for an hour I sat there and watched you standing by the dance floor. Gripped in fear I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to you. I know now your thinking I am probably one of the most game playing females there is, but I'm not. Yes I have a crush that has developed into something much more for me. Yes I am keeping it a secret from you because of fear of rejection. Do I want to be known, yes and no. Yes because I want you to see me through eyes of want and desire. No because I know how many women want you and I wouldn't compete in a competition I may not be a match for. I am not one to flirt, or to throw myself on a man. I can be very much a woman, but I am a lady when it comes to how I carry myself anywhere. I have a little girl charm about me one that I don't see myself losing ever no matter how old I get. So now I wait for you to tell me to F-OFF or something even more mean then that.

Now, I just wait.

What's Next!!......

I don't know why but I woke up 40 minutes ago sat up in my bed and turned on my light. I live on the west coast so now it's around 2:00 or 2:10 am. I forgot to set my alarm clock which is bad because I have to get up earlier this morning. So here I am setting my alarm for 7 am, I will be getting up and going to see my doctor in the morning for my 8am appointment. I just logged in second life, I am not really expecting anything, but I am hopeful just the same. Hopeful that you read my note and went to this blog and made a comment on your profile. I let my eyes scan your profile, and there it was ** BREATH** a message from you saying clearly you read the blog, or at least the note saying to read it. Then I saw you demanding to know who I am. Now I sat here in some type of fear. I don't know what I am fearing, but it has now grip me and I am scared. Now I know you know I am there, some where. Now I think you may be thinking I am some nut case and want me to stop it. Whatever IT may be. You may not be flattered that someone has wanted you for over a year, someone you don't even know. So.... now, I think to myself. Do I stop the blogging, change the link, do I get bold enough to let you know who I am. Seriously, now ..... WHAT"S NEXT!!!

I AM CRAZY!!!!

OK after I got my thoughts together I decided to try something a little different to get you to read my blog. The newbie may have copied it and forgot to save, or he may not even send it. Took my hard earned 100 Lindens and didn't do his job. lol, I laugh now but I am only covering up the nervousness in which I feel. I logged in again under my new little newbie and went to a location where I felt someone would be more willing to help me. I didn't even make a note card this time, I just imed a veteran player who has been in the game since 2004. I was honest with her, I explained that I had this "crush" and wanted you to read my blog. I told her why I made the newbie so I would not be found out, and what I had tried prior. I told her all I need was a note saying to please read this with the blog link. I told her I would pay her if she wanted lindens to do this. Yeah I know DRAMANTIC huh, after I finish my confession, so to speak, I waited for her response. She hesitated for a moment, which I understood fully, I would of done the same if not more. Then she told me, she didn't want any lindens. However she would do it under one condition, I thought to myself here we go. She asked me if and when I finally told him/you how I felt she wanted to meet my actual avie and his/yours. I thought it's minor request for what I was asking her to do. I quickly agreed and she assured me she would do it. She told me she not only send the note card but she left him an of line telling him/you to read his/your note card. She also put the link on the offline message. She wish me good luck as I logged off my alt once again. Now I sit and wait to see if he responses. *** NERVOUS ***

How Foolish

Today I looked at your profile to see if you had left me any sign that you read my blog. I didn't see any and thought how foolish I must be. I am carrying around a feeling for someone who doesn't know I exist. Why would you input a link to a website a newbie gave you. How crazy could I have been to think that was even a realistic suggestion. How crazy am I to be even writing in a blog to someone who will never even see its contains. My friend told me to stop living in this fantasy within second life. I am not living a fantasy, I only am admiring someone who has had my attention for a long time now. Someone who when a club relocated I missed seeing him. Someone who left the game for a bit and I actually missed not seeing him stand near a wall. I would see you around sl on and off, I remember once I saw you talking to your sister I at that time wish I had introduce myself. Shyness has been my downfall in a lot of ways. Many reasons why I am shy but it doesn't have anything to do with second life so it doesn't matter. SL, however, has allowed me to over come a lot my shyness. But even with overcoming so much of it. I still find it hard to approach you and start a conversation. It has been hard to smile at you, hard to get your attention, hard to admit I have a crush on you. No, not true. I love you, there now since I know you'll never read this now. I can express it in words here. I love you. So many times I have wanted just to ask you to go out. Then I feared rejection, feared making to look like I may have had some issues. So now I feel foolish, silly, child like because I attempted to do something I never should have. I attempted to bring my fantasy to my sl reality. HOW FOOLISH!!!!

Temporary lost of my mind

Today I searched for you and saw you were online. I opened the chat box, begin to type Hello and logged out before entering. How could I be so bold, so brave as to imed you and speak. I think I had a temporary lost of my mind. So earlier tonight, after I saw you had logged off. I went to orientation island, grabbed a newbie, gave him instructions on how to copy and paste and search and send. Finally 45 minutes, 100 lindens and a headache later he had send you a note with the link to my blog. (takes a deep breath). I can't believe now that I did that, can't believe that you may even read this. Can't believe how crazy I must of been to even attempt any kind of contact. This is a fantasy, a want that I will never have, a dream that I can only live while sleep. Not even in a world like sl could I think you would look at me twice. Now I feel a little bad for the newbie. I hope you don't question him too much, he really doesn't know anything (trust me it took me 45 minutes to get him to send it). I also came in as a newbie to approach him and coach him. I don't plan on keeping this alt, only made her to do my dirty little deed. Dirty isn't the word I should choose here. it's just doing something in secret always seems to be something bad even if its not a bad intent or dirty. I know this is asking a lot of you, but can you, some how on your profile at least let me know you have read this. Something pg please, lol.

Can I be the one

I read your profile today, it changes so often that I find myself reading it daily now. For a brief moment it seemed you had found the person you most wanted to share in your second life. I saw photos of your ex and you, you lifting her up as if to put her on a throne beside you. Then today all that was but a memory. Was I happy you no longer had her on your profile..... honest answer, YES!! My heart was glad, but then I thought what if you weren't happy about it. What if this was not a mutual choice of you both. Then I realize how selfish I was being. I still don't know what you like in a woman. I know what you have said in your profile. But I wonder beyond what you speak of clearly on your profile is what you truly want. I think to myself now, could I be the one who could change your being a single male on sl. Can I be the one???

Caught off guard

A few days ago while shopping I innocently ran across your ex's store (Sondra) at the Vitamin C sim. I say innocently because it wasn't planned. I am starting to make clothing myself and was looking for a place to put my designs. I am an amatuer by every standards but I am at least trying. I looked around her store and found a cute "Hello Kitty" short set that I wanted to buy. I admit I am a big fan of hello kitty, the cat with no mouth but is just as well known as Elvis. I wanted to buy it until she, Sondra, walked in the store and greeted me and the four others who were there shopping. My mind went blank, I thought about tping out, or just running out. But I was curious, I stayed still hoping I was not being paid too much attention too. I had never seen her before in person, only in your profile. Her avie is pretty, she was dress nice too, she seem very friendly but I had a feeling she could be anything but if crossed. She spoke to me by name, asking if I needed any help. I know she doesn't know me but just the idea I drew some sort of attention made me not get the Hello Kitty short set. I was glad when another one of her customers begin asking about some items she was working on. I was able to take that moment to walk out the door, but not before you thank me for coming to her store. I felt like a child that was up to doing something bad and before I did it I was caught.

You give me butterflies

Today I saw you again, all I can say is WOW. You looked so sexy in your jeans and wife-beater. I just don't know how you do it, you have kept my attention for over a year now. You give me butterflies like no one else has or probably will ever again. It's something about you that drives me crazy. Each person that is behind the avie gives the avie life. The life you give your avie has taken me off guard and made m want you. I only started doing this blog thing because my best friend told me it would release some of the stress. All I can say is BS! it doesn't release any stress, doesn't make it easier and damn sure doesn't make having this crush more bearable. But I will admit it does allow me to go back and read the things I wrote about how I felt. I wish now I would of started this when I first begin my crush. I have another blog as well that I talk about my second life and my clothing line. Only few people read this one, my sl best friend, my real life best friend and my sister who thinks I am crazy but gives me support in my sanity. I can see why they think I am crazy, I get butterflies from someone I don't even really know. Could it be virtual love at first site? No matter what you call it, you have my attention papi.

the very first time

I can't believe I am here in front of my computer on my keyboard about to tell MY biggest second life secret. But I am. I guess you can say I have had a crush on you Swan Desantis for a year now. I know it may sound crazy, strange, wild even ridiculous but I am your secret admirer. No you don't know me, I have manage to maintain a low profile in second life. I even maintain an even lower one around you. I have no boy friend, only one person I consider friend and I stay to myself. I have had this "feeling' for you since I first saw you over a year ago. The first time I saw you, you were with your brother. The two of you were at a photography shop. Your brother was going over how the owner wanted her shop to be done. You seem new, like I was and you were looking around making remarks about the photos she had placed so carefully on the wall. I remember you typing something in Spanish and you and your brother both laughing. The remark was silly, I don't even remember what it was. All I know is at the moment I thought you were interesting. That was my first time seeing you, but fortunate of me it would not be my last.

My second life has always been very low key. I made an alt in order to go to clubs in game an other risque places to shop. Now I don't want you to get the wrong impression, I had my alt because my real life husband (now ex husband) would come on my avie to see what I wore. He would watch what I would buy, where I would go and he would get crazy if my avie wore something too sexy. (something too sexy could of been a part of shorts with a top to show my navel ring. He was for lack of a better word, crazy. So with him being so anal and me wanting to actual enjoy my game time I made an alt. My alt was able to look and dress sexy. She could show some cleavage, her thighs, her butt. I could actually have full lips as I do in real life. Shapely, sexy, you know the type, typical girl next door type. lol. I would go to Club Insatiable under my alt to enjoy the music and occasionally dance. The first time I saw you at the club I remembered you very quickly. . When I saw you I thought wow, he really has an attractive avie. You would be at club, cigarette in mouth, your body movements changing from time to time but never dancing. You would just stand close to the wall as if you were making sure everything was everything. I never seen you all over women, never talking loud, you wore a gun (as you still do *smiles*) but it was not shown to others it was not meant too. You never dress like an Internet thug, always looking sexy and nice. You never blinged out like most guys would to the point if lighting hit the club they would be struck down. Always quiet, always maintaining a sex appeal and a persona all your own. You were getting me hooked with each glance I made your way. I use to think you were with the owner of the club, "Samore". I realize the two of you were only friends when I saw her with other relationships. I have only seen two females who you said were your girls and this has been all within a months time. Makes me wonder what are you looking for. For a moment my heart was broken when I thought you married "Donatella" I realize she was a very close friend and you two just like to play around and joke about her being your wife.

One day you actually spoke to me, lol, OK you didn't actual speak, you landed on my head while at the club. You imed me to apologize for doing so. My heart almost came out of my chest. I thought to myself, "he is a gentlemen too. he is actually iming me to apologize for landing on me". You have always seem too perfect, sexy, mysteries, smooth. With each day that has pass by, I have wanted you. have thought about you, have found my interest growing, each day I .. hmmmm .....

I know, I am just a woman who has admired you for some time now and finally got up enough nerve to at least let it be known if not in but in a blog. You will never read this or even know it exist but I will and I guess that is all that matters.